Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Has anyone ever had sex with their cousin? How did it start, and would you do it again?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Why do I sweat (mostly on face) when I eat usually spicy food?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I see through liars

Why do men date women they are not really interested in?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t buy bullshit

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Do you know a good lawyer joke?

I can count

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

If sea levels were rising, wouldn't the acreage of coastal salt marshes increase? Are they?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

How good do you sing and how do you know this?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can read

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Can a cop pull you over walking home asking why you are out so late?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Have anyone had an relationship of any kind with a spirit or demon, such as a succubus? If so, how was it?

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”